This has been one of the most trying weeks of my life, and the day I woke up feeling like I couldn't handle one more altercation... shit hits the fan once again! I made it very clear to my family and husband that I do not care who it is, if anyone should get in the way of my children getting better and the help we need, they will be cut out. This includes anyone adding undue stress and negativity to myself as I am their main caregiver and if I am surrounded by constant judgement and negativity then I cannot be affective as their caregiver. I'm done with the fighting, i'm done defending myself. I beat myself up enough knowing my mistakes as a mother i don't need anyone else kicking me while I'm done.
My husband and I have been split up for over 3 weeks now and I have yet to even consider worrying about that or figure out how to fix us because my main and only focus is my babes. My teenager was affected in a huge way after the last fight and my oldest is amazing at coping and dealing with life but it was too much for him. It was at that point my switch flipped and I could see how selfish my husband and I have been for 2 years and how selfish my family and I are being now. So hopefully after our talk everyone is understanding of me when shit hits the fan again and I pack my 3 boys up and we disappear! My hope is that the fighting with cease and the support will begin, I don't ever want to cut off the people I love but I won't allow my children to hurt anymore.
Brian keeps telling me hes doing alot on his end to get all of us under the same roof so I guess time will tell, but I explained to him I havent' had time to worry about our relationship so it's whatever. Hind site I'm thinking this situation is exactly what we needed to take the focus off ourselves and realize how selfish we have been and hopefully do what best for our boys. I believe taking the focus off us is exactly what we needed to be the partners we needed out of each other!
Sorry for the rambling, I have alot I want to write but not much time right now. Still It helps me so much to at least get it out and part of it off my mind! On a side not, there is hope on the horizon! The boys have their in home assessment set up for Jan 16th so we can get the answers I am desperate for! Even if it's something as simple as a behavior issue at least we will know and we will gain the skills to help my toddler excell and be happy. Welp, babes are calling, gotta jump off here.